The People Who Stole Christmas

CHARLIE BROWN: “I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus. Christmas is coming, but I'm not happy. I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel… I just don't understand Christmas, I guess. I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards and decorating trees and all that, but I'm still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed.”

LINUS VAN PELT: “Charlie Brown, you're the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest.”

Well, It’s Christmas Eve and I still don’t feel Christmassy. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a Grinch, I love Christmas, it’s my favorite time of the year. Being a Grinch is so year 2000. (Yeah, I said 2000 because that’s the year the Ron Howard film came out) (No, I don’t think people who call themselves “grinches” have ever seen the 1966 Chuck Jones animated short, much less read the 1957 children’s book ‘Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas’). But, this has never happened to me. I believe it was the selfish materialistic consumer people who ruined it for me this year. They just sucked all the fun out of it. What ever happened to giving and not expecting something in return, or, receiving something and just being grateful?

But also, being depressed on Christmas time is so passé. So, fuck it! If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Time to eat and drink all night like a good ol’ Mexican!

Maybe the next generation will take back Christmas. I hope. So, I dedicate this little bit of “A Charlie Brown Christmas” to my nephews. This is an example of what a letter to Santa Claus should NOT be like:

SALLY: “I've been looking for you, big brother. Will you please write a letter to Santa Claus for me?”

CHARLIE BROWN: “Well, I don't have much time. I'm supposed to get down to the school auditorium to direct a Christmas play.”

SALLY: “You write it and I'll tell you what I want to say.”

CHARLIE BROWN: “Okay, shoot.”

SALLY: “Dear Santa Claus, How have you been? Did you have a nice summer? … How is your wife? I have been extra good this year, so I have a long list of presents that I want.”

CHARLIE BROWN: “Oh brother.”

SALLY: “Please note the size and color of each item, and send as many as possible. If it seems too complicated, make it easy on yourself: just send money. How about tens and twenties?”

CHARLIE BROWN: “TENS AND TWENTIES? Oh, even my baby sister!”

SALLY: “All I want is what I... I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share.”

Merry Christmas!